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You need no ticket to make a place for yourself here where humor, black and otherwise, comes to you from the stage where the human comedy itself is being played, its performance trumping the things dark and tragic and found in the world of literature.
Tuesday, April 19, 2005
The thing about words...

Yeah, words can be funny, for sure.

Below are some words and their definitions from the forthcoming McStoney's Dictionary Of Literary America (Random Words Publishing), in no particular order.

to keggers (v. inf.) -- Picking up chicks in beer bars with a line of ersatz sensitivity. (e.g. "Aw shucks, my little brother is such a swell kid: you'd love him too.")

biss el vu (n. Fr.) -- The feeling, as you're reading a supposedly new passage, that you've read the same words somewhere before.

tomoody (v. trans.) -- The act of acquiring funds under false pretenses.

Franzy pantsed (adj.) -- A general feeling of superiority over your readers, who you believe are unworthy of your work.

julavism (n.) -- A word, supposedly made up, which is actually already a word. (e.g.: Take "Snark", a Lewis Carroll nonsense character (The Snark); a rocket (again, The Snark) and and decide that -- what the hell -- to you it means "nasty literary criticism". Use liberally to the detriment of the language.)

Venda Vida Herring (n.) -- The amazing writing fish, rumored to work at Coney Island in August to be close to her vacationing shrink/scubaman-proofreader.

irony board (n.) -- Any cyber chat board started with good intentions and originally containing actual theories and ideas about literature that devolves into pointless gossip about things like housework, make-up, weddings, weight loss and beauty tips. (In the present time it is still not known if this is ironic or merely groups of off-duty chick litters. Ed.) Aka: irony bored.

posemodernism (n.) -- Stance of the current literati whose plotless character studies of the disfunctional could only be called short stories or novels in an alternate universe.

meta (v.) -- A word used in relation to posemodernist writer Jackson Cummin Forehead, whose book "Everyone Is Enervated" presents a character named Jackson Cummin Forehead, who lists his friends and gives each a non-consectutive number. Use of "meta" in a sentence: "I never meta posemodernist I liked."

Ewed (n.; aka Bigflop) -- Legendary and mysterious writer/editor who reportedly prowls the concrete canyons of Gotham babbling about literature but spending his days turning out pun-laden, pop slang infested, pale-imitation-of-colorful-showbiz-Varietese drek for one of the slick entertainment gossip mags. (Reportedly was just off-camera taking notes at the taping of One Night In Paris.)
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