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You need no ticket to make a place for yourself here where humor, black and otherwise, comes to you from the stage where the human comedy itself is being played, its performance trumping the things dark and tragic and found in the world of literature.
Tuesday, April 19, 2005
The thing about words...

Yeah, words can be funny, for sure.

Below are some words and their definitions from the forthcoming McStoney's Dictionary Of Literary America (Random Words Publishing), in no particular order.

to keggers (v. inf.) -- Picking up chicks in beer bars with a line of ersatz sensitivity. (e.g. "Aw shucks, my little brother is such a swell kid: you'd love him too.")

biss el vu (n. Fr.) -- The feeling, as you're reading a supposedly new passage, that you've read the same words somewhere before.

tomoody (v. trans.) -- The act of acquiring funds under false pretenses.

Franzy pantsed (adj.) -- A general feeling of superiority over your readers, who you believe are unworthy of your work.

julavism (n.) -- A word, supposedly made up, which is actually already a word. (e.g.: Take "Snark", a Lewis Carroll nonsense character (The Snark); a rocket (again, The Snark) and and decide that -- what the hell -- to you it means "nasty literary criticism". Use liberally to the detriment of the language.)

Venda Vida Herring (n.) -- The amazing writing fish, rumored to work at Coney Island in August to be close to her vacationing shrink/scubaman-proofreader.

irony board (n.) -- Any cyber chat board started with good intentions and originally containing actual theories and ideas about literature that devolves into pointless gossip about things like housework, make-up, weddings, weight loss and beauty tips. (In the present time it is still not known if this is ironic or merely groups of off-duty chick litters. Ed.) Aka: irony bored.

posemodernism (n.) -- Stance of the current literati whose plotless character studies of the disfunctional could only be called short stories or novels in an alternate universe.

meta (v.) -- A word used in relation to posemodernist writer Jackson Cummin Forehead, whose book "Everyone Is Enervated" presents a character named Jackson Cummin Forehead, who lists his friends and gives each a non-consectutive number. Use of "meta" in a sentence: "I never meta posemodernist I liked."

Ewed (n.; aka Bigflop) -- Legendary and mysterious writer/editor who reportedly prowls the concrete canyons of Gotham babbling about literature but spending his days turning out pun-laden, pop slang infested, pale-imitation-of-colorful-showbiz-Varietese drek for one of the slick entertainment gossip mags. (Reportedly was just off-camera taking notes at the taping of One Night In Paris.)
Saturday, April 16, 2005
Beyond The Sea

He's mostly remembered for totally blowing a gig back in the sixties and now here he is living in the little clapboard next to the town dump. But of course it's a New England coastal town dump, so it's actually clean. Apparently some sort of seals or something come wiggling out of the surf at night and lick it clean.

Well, I suppose technically they eat a bit too, but it's better not to think of that.

I hear him through the window, this once proud songwriter, and he continues to plink away at the same damn note on the piano. I stand there for a good 15 minutes and it goes on: Plink. Plink. Plink. Finally I go up to his door, knock on it and he appears.

"What's with the same note, over and over?" I ask.

And he says, "Well, it's the right note."
Thursday, April 07, 2005
The latest from your host, dear not-so-gentle readers:
My short-short The Transfer at
While you're looking for it check out the other stuff on the site.
You'll regret it if you don't.